The Top Twelve

Hi there everybody. Chad Walters here with the first installment of Spin-Off Games-ology, your occasional behind-the-scenes look at the highs and lows of the Spin-Off Games, and a way to test your attention spans by stretching out the length of your viewing time for no good reason!
Well, the show is underway, and boy, hasn't it been exciting so far! I know I've been on the edge of my seat for some time now, and not just because I'm a morbidly obese man, but also because this competition has been both unpredictable and gripping.
Who would have thought that audience favourites like Albert the Pelican would have been eliminated so soon? I know I didn't! Just imagine the jokes and storylines that could have resulted by having the animal contestants around a bit longer, but, oh well, such is the REALITY of these shows! Ha ha ha!

But, wow! Weren't there some highlights in this first round?
That battle between the Hillbilly, Randy Jackson, and Kevin Richardson! Wow! And two of them are advancing, so – look out! Ha ha ha!
What about cheerleader Pam and her picture with the rabbit she called 'Mr Snookums.' Wasn't that just the most simultaneously adorable and sickening thing you have ever seen?
And Desmond the Disgusting's photo! Well, I have to say, if PETA weren't advisors on this show, I know I would have had some serious concerns for that rabbit's health. Ha ha!

But, moving on, we now have ourselves an official top twelve!! And as everybody knows, this is when the real competition begins! So, before we get back to the action, lets have a quick look at our remaining contestants!

First up, both of our contestants from Novel 1 are still in the running, and as I've already mentioned, The Hillbilly is one to watch. He's already proved himself handy with a net, a camera, and the ability to dodge oncoming celebrities, and he earlier admitted to the confession cam, that if he wins, he's “gonna eat that rabbit good!” Ha ha, thats one victory promise I think he'll keep.

Our other contestant from Novel 1 is Reginald the Singing Detective. One of two law enforcement officers out there, Reginald has kept the viewers captivated with his soothing voice, and penchant for bursting into song whenever the occasion allows. Who can forget how he captured his rabbit simply by singing it to sleep with a lullaby? I know I was dropping off myself, and not just because my seat cannot hold my monstrous girth!

Lets give it up for the only non-roughly-humanoid tribute still in play, Wanchai the Banana. If he could talk, I'm sure he would have said something about how he was a definite underdog coming into this competition, but the way he captured that photo speaks volumes about his ability to not just compete, but maybe even to win! Who knows how he does it, but I have a feeling he'll be slipping on for some time to come! Ha ha ha!

Next up, one of the gentler contestants perhaps, our sole Novel 3 tribute, Dungay the Tibetan. Along with the sole remaining Novel 6 tribute, Trixie Hobbetts, Dungay seemed to be a bit reluctant to begin with, but now these two have shown that their alliance is one to reckon with. Audiences favourites for their sneaky manoeuvre with Wanchai's rabbit, it remains to be seen how far they can get, especially now that the Evans have told me that they have their collective eyes on this pair.

Well, both of our Novel 4 contestants have already been eliminated, but on the other hand, both Taylor and Pam from Novel 5 are still in the running. Our youngest contestants, these two have shown very different approaches to the game. Check out this replay of Taylor in action. Wow! Lethal, organised, creative, I'd say Taylor is a definite contender for the prize! I mean, just look at that! As much as I hate to say it, however, Pam may be just a little too gentle for this competition. I admit it, she did get an incredible shot with that rabbit, but the fact that she only captured it because Krulnor over-zealously knocked out more rabbits than his share doesn't bode well for the cheerleader. Maybe she can prove me wrong though.

Next up, from Novel 7, everybody's favourite punching bag celebrity, Randy Jackson. You know, after the, uh, incident with the tree, I have to say I thought Randy was out of this competition. But the way he set up that faux audition panel for American Rabbit and got a rabbit to almost immediately capture itself shows a creativity that this recapper has to admit surprised me.

Of course, the undisputed odds-on favourite for the win has to be nobody in particular. If I didn't know any better, I would have said nobody in particular came out of this round looking more confident than he went in. I mean, nobody in particular looked calm and collected throughout the round, and, perhaps strangely, nobody in particular seemed to actually enjoy himself.

Moving on to our two least sanitary contestants, lets hear it for Novel 8's Desmond the Disgusting and Novel 9's The Goblin. These two hit it off so early on in this competition, and their team work makes them a disgustingly effective combination. I can't help but feel that the odours and slime being produced by these two will make them a force to reckon with before the end of these games, and not just for causing rabbits to lose consciousness in their presence. Sure, the recent loss of Desmond's leg may slow them down, but not every round's success will be determined by speed.

And finally, you know him, you love him, the famously heroic Krulnor the Barbarian. Unequalled in strength by any contestant out there, Krulnor also has the added advantage of having already been a part of two blog novels, so, more than anyone else out there (Reginald's cameo in 'The Adventures of Garbageman' not-withstanding) Krulnor knows what to expect from our famously unstructured authors.

So, thats the field! We'll be taking a poll later on in the episode to see who you at home think should take out the title, but for now, lets cross back over to the Games, and see what Steven Evans has planned for Round Two!

****

Thanks to the magic of television, Steven Evans had only just finished saying “Round Two” by the time Chad Walters had finished rambling, and as a result, both the contestants and the audience at home learned what Round Two would entail simultaneously.

“For this round,” annunciated the Evans, “the contestants will be divided into three 'randomly assigned and in no way set up by the producers' teams. As a group, each team will have to complete the “Danger” course we have set up outside. The first team to complete the course will be safe, but the other two teams will have to battle one another in a game of paintball. The losing team of those two will have to decide amongst themselves which member of their team will go home. Now, I know this sounds a bit like 'Survivor', but its not, ok? These are 'teams', not 'tribes', and they will only be in play for this round, and you don't get team bandanas, you get team neck-kerchiefs. So, see? Entirely different. No need for anyone to sue anyone else, ok?”
At this last remark about two thirds of the Evanses looked at each other with guilty expressions, but otherwise they remained quiet.
“Now, the teams, which, I stress, are entirely random and not set up in any way, are: Team One: Krulnor, Taylor, Reginald, and nobody in particular.
Team Two: The Hillbilly, Desmond, The Goblin, and Randy.
Team Three: Dungay, Trixie, Pam, and Wanchai.
And now, would the contestants please follow me.”

As the Evans of the moment led the way out of the Tribal Circle, Dungay leaned in to Trixie and muttered “There is no way these teams are random. Krulnor, Taylor, Reginald, and nobody in particular all together? And we've been lumped with the cheerleader and the banana! If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that someone has it in for us.”
“I was just thinking the same thing,” Trixie muttered back, “Maybe they figured out how we pulled off our trick with the rabbit, and they're punishing us.”
Dungay thought about this for a moment.
“Was there a fake compartment in the hat?” he asked eventually.
“What?”
“I have no idea how rabbit tricks are done, but I guess there must be a fake compartment...”
“No, the photo trick,” Trixie hissed, “Not a regular magic trick.”
“Oh, got it,” Dungay groaned, “Sorry, must have missed that in translation somewhere.”

They had all been following the Evans during this conversation, and now reached a large jungle clearing, in which was set up a large Wipeout style obstacle course, made of bouncy-castle material and safety padding, and suspended over a pool of water. The main difference (which, had you asked an Evans, was what prevented this course from infringing on copyright – nervous side-glances - ) was that here there were three courses side-by-side, one for each of the teams, and of course, they were all allowed to attempt the course simultaneously.
Trixie and Dungay lined up with Pam, who was holding Wanchai, and tried to examine the course as best they could.
It started with a ramp up, then a run across a rolling tube with large safety-pad pendulums swinging over it to try and knock the contestants off. Following this were three bouncy mushroom shapes, set out at enough of a distance to require contestants to jump between them, and likely bounce into the water. After this was a wind-mill-like obstacle, the arm of which the contestants would need to ride on, at one point jumping over a safety-pad obstacle, in order to reach the final segment, four ropes which the contestants would need to use to swing to the finishing point.
Trixie let out a low whistle, which she had been keeping in her mouth, and stayed with her mouth open long enough for it to fly out of hearing.
“I hate Wipeout,” she sighed.
Pam giggled.
“Don't worry, I've got this,” she said cheerily, “It reminds me of gym class. I love gym class.”
She giggled again, and batted her eyes bimbo-ly.
“Lots of cute boys in short shorts” she added significantly.
Trixie said nothing, but rolled her eyes at Dungay, who rolled them back.

“Ok contestants,” an Evans said dramatically, “Ready? Set? Go!”
At the sound of “Go”, Pam reached over to Trixie and placed Wanchai in her shirt pocket, then grabbed Trixie's right hand in her left hand, and Dungay's left in her right.
She gave them a quick and confident smile.
Then she started running up the ramp.
Within moments, Pam had manoeuvered her team mates across the rolling tube successfully, and reached the start of the bouncy mushroom segment.
Trixie was stunned.
Pam was a benefit on this course!
She allowed herself to glance across at the other teams.
Surprisingly, nobody in particular was struggling so far.
Newly confident, Trixie turned back to the task at hand.

Chapter Four *** Chapter Six