Rabbit Season (Part Two)

Only a few minutes of breathless running and fruitless rabbit hunting later, Trixie and Dungay heard an ominous trumpet sound blasting across the forest. A second later, an Evans appeared from behind a nearby bush.
"Come on, you two - it's time for judging!"
The Evans then turned around and led Trixie and Dungay back through the forest towards Tribal Circle.
"Ooh, this is actually starting to get exciting!" Trixie said. "I wonder if we will make it through the first round! I wonder who's going to win the whole thing? Me, I'm team Krulnor... #Krulnor #HedgehogKiller #TeamKrulnor #hashtag."
"Don't be so naive!" Dungay replied. "These shows - victory is decided by the producers long before anyone gets close to the first round! It's all contrived, scripted, and overacted for the sake of the home viewer."
For once, Trixie had to admit to herself that Dungay's latest conspiracy theory sounded somewhat plausible. He carried on;
"In fact, I heard that nobody in particular is going to win. The rest of us are just here to have fights with one another and cry during monologues about how difficult the tournament is."
"Well, so far it hasn't been that difficult, we just took one picture..."
Trixie and Dungay walked in silence for a couple of minutes.
"Hey - Dungay?"
"Yeah?"
"What do you think would happen if we, you know, played with the setup here a little bit?"
"What do you mean - like, we switch the male and female signs on the toilet block or something? Haha - classic gag! Women have absolutely no idea how to use a urinal!"
"Not quite... more like, say nobody in particular were to somehow, you know... die... what would happen then?"
"Well, I'm no gamesmaster, but I imagine a hoard of rabid racist tigers would emerge from somewhere and eat us all immediately."
"Oh."
Trixie paused for a second's thought and then said,
"You know, I think we should try it anyway."

***

Upon everyone's safe arrival to Tribal Circle (which took some time, as Porirua had fallen asleep under a tree somewhere and nobody knew where she was, being a forest and all it took some time to find out which tree), an Evans took to centre stage once more.
"Welcome back, contestants! 13 Of you have managed to return with pictures taken, which of course means that the judging will still take place! However, the 5 of you that for various reasons, mostly to do with the fact that you are in fact animals, failed to take pictures of bunnies, are hereby eliminated: The Elephant, The Flea, The Pelican, Porirua (you're not an animal, my dear, but sleeping on the job cannot be tolerated), and poor Kevin, whose convincing Magikarp imitation netted him (aha!) no photo."
The eliminated contestants immediately disappeared from the arena, reappearing in their beds a week later tasting marshmallow only after an exhaustive week of post show interviews, recaps, and product endorsements. (Albert The Pelican says YES! to Sealord Tinned Sardines! Get yours today!)
The Evans then resumed his talk. "Now, to judge the remaining pictures, I would like to welcome to the stage our special guest judge - Randy Jackson!"
Applause was then immediately projected through the sound system at a loud enough volume to mask the remaining contestants' consternation, and confused comments, like "but - he's a contestant!", "That's not fair!" and, perhaps most tellingly, "But I prefer Simon Cowell!"
When Randy took to the stage, immediately the stage lighting turned blue, the crowd hushed in anticipation, and a soundtrack suspiciously similar to the human heartbeat was played through the speakers.
"Randy - the casting vote is with you." The Evans said ominously.
"You mean the only vote!" Desmond the Disgusting called out from the crowd. A sudden blue flash later, Desmond had only one leg.
"Randy - I need a decision" The Evans boomed. "Who will you be eliminating from this competition."
"Yo, it's difficult dawg. I mean, they're all so good. But, tonight, Ryan - I'm sending home... Big Mack."
"Dangit!" The head of Burger King shouted. "Why, Randy, why?!"
"Yo, dawg - I mean, I get it, you know, photographing your rabbit in a burger and all, but I also don't get it, if you get what I'm sayin', yo - like, it's kind of bad taste! I mean, do BK actually use rabbit meat, or were you joking?"
Big Mack was unable to answer this topical question, for he too had disappeared from the arena.
Randy returned to his place amongst the remaining 12 contestants.
"Right!" A new Evans boomed. "Round Two!"

Chapter Three : : Chapter Five