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The World-Famous (to some people) online-novels of Lark and Musings, for you to sit back and enjoy in the quietness of your own home. Warning, all novels may contain traces of nuts, and insanity in large doses. (Reading hint: For more enjoyment and less wanting-to-die-from-how-stupid-it-all-is, L&M Blognovels are suggested read in smaller doses, rather than in one sitting).

Monday, September 30, 2013

But you said...

How would he escape this one? The thought returned again to Krulnor, much like those farts which you attempt to suppress in delicate social situations to avoid making them awkward (the situations, not the farts, but then farts are often already awkward) but which then return minutes later much stronger and more urgent, plus with several of their friends.
Wait a minute... didn't the previous chapter mention something about.. flight?

"...Krulnor ran straight across the open area between the buildings, tripped over a rock, flew twenty metres..."

I mean, come on - even the Big Rock of '76 only caused Billy Bob Brown to fly 1.39 metres, (a record to be sure)... 20 metres surely implies some sort of special ability...

"I can fly!" Krulnor exclaimed, following much the same mental process as us, minus the big rock of '76 bit as he was not fond of trivia and generally won games of Trivial Pursuit by focusing more on the 'pursuit' than the 'trivia', shall we say. And thus before the widening eyes of 16 Hogs and one little Sprocket he successfully managed to levitate off the ground several metres, and out of Harm's way. (Though to be fair Harm wasn't even heading in that direction at that exact point in time and actually sometimes he did feel awfully lonely and wished people would stop getting out of his way, he just wanted a bit of a chat and maybe a Cup of Tea and a Biscuit from time to time, was that too much to ask? He didn't think so.)
Now due to the very un-Sensible design of Krulnor's helmet he could still only see his toes and the bit of ground directly beneath them, but he found if he flew directly over an object he could see it fairly well. Hero logic and desperation caused Krunlor to come up with a cunning battle plan (not at all influenced be the fact that it was also probably the only one that would actually, you know, work) and he flew directly over the nearest Very Annoying Hedgehog.
"Haha!" Krunlor cried, dropping in an instant with his sword pointed directly downward, thus skewering the poor Hog neatly on his blade. The method worked so well that Krunlor immediately applied it again to the next nearest Hog.
"Haha!" Squish!
"Hoho!" Stab!
"Hehe!" Slice!
Eight times did Krulnor's blade fall, and eight Hogs did thus perish. The remaining eight fled to the safety of the large building, which although being large had low ceilings, which saved on heating, created a nice ambiance and also stopped flying sword-bearing heroes from winning any more battles.

Krulnor 10 - Hogs 0.

Billy's jaw was wide open in an obvious gesture of howtheflipdidyoudothat?-ment as Krulnor heroically lowered himself to the ground and slowly removed his helmet, casually (but actually quite intentionally because the damn thing was useless) throwing it aside, somewhere no-one, especially not him, would ever find it.
"Relax, citizen. Danger has been subdued this day." Krulnor boomed in his most manly of voices.
"You.. can fly?" Billy squeaked in his most prepubescent of tones.
"Yes, apparently so!" Krulnor answered in a much more regular pitch. "Gosh if only I'd known that sooner! It would have come in real handy against the 28 Flying Nuns of Hell! Not to mention the 16 Levitating Salmon of Tibet, or the Birds of Tokyo and their popular grunge-indie-pop!"
Billy had no answer to Krulnor's statement, mainly because he hadn't a clue what the man was talking about, and had thus gone back to enjoying his lollipop. Seconds later he walked off, cos dead hedgehogs smelled and the man in the pink armour was no longer flying.
Boring.

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