Henrietta's Hair's Horribly Hellish Happenstance

"Well, thats a doozy of a pickle, isn't it?" Melvin laughed, brushing the warrior-girl's hair from his face with his hand. "Oh well, can't be helped I suppose."
Taking the spinach-sock by the ankle, he swung it around his head once, and uttered the incantation again.
BING!

Time once again almost stopped.
"Wait, so thats it?" I asked, "No attempt to stop her hair from growing? No spell of barber-ianism? We just leave her like that?"
Melvin sighed, and turned to face me as much as his neck would allow.
"Look Umnik, I've got a lot on my plate right now. I already have to perform this incantation as many times as I can before the spinach dries, help you hunt down whatever ingredients are left over to make your other stupid potion, and figure out a way to reattach my head and hand to my body before it starves to death. Plus, I think I may have left the cat flap closed, so I dread to think what the house will smell like by the time I let it out. I really don't have time to concern myself with some vengeful teenager's silly problems. Now help me make a butterfly shape."
We performed the task and yelled out "Ear of Ed" for the second time.
BING!

This time, there was a small THUD as a severed ear fell onto the deck of the cart. The midget monk-cook scooped it up and placed it in a handy jar for safe keeping, as Melvin spun the spinach around his head again and uttered the magic words again. I noticed that even in the few micro-seconds of time that had passed during Melvin's spell, the girl's hair was already much longer.

BING!
"Actually, the name is Omric," I stated, "And if you hadn't noticed, we might need to do something about the hair before too long anyway."
"Seed of Pumpkin coach" we shouted.
BING!

A large vaguely pumpkin seedish object with tiny wheels sat half buried in hair. The monk fished it out and looked up at me, mildly alarmed at how fast the hair was growing, but Melvin was already incanting once again.

BING!
"No time," he muttered, "We have to get this finished. The girl is not my concern. She is expendable."
"What?"
"Account of duck!"
BING!

The monk was now half-buried in hair, but managed to retrieve the duck's bill for us.

BING!
"She is not expendable! None of my companions are! Well, maybe they technically are, but I'm not just going to Cheese of Moon let them die
BING!

buried under hair! It just doesn't seem

BING!
right!"
"You're too soft Ooblik. Companions die all the time Whisper of Snail, its kind of their
BING!

thing."
"Well, that may

BING!
be so, but I can do my Toenail clippings of Mutant Tomato best to
BING!

save them. How can we call ourselves human if we don't?"
Melvin paused.
I like to think that he was pondering my words, but there was also a chance he had stopped because he was now fully submerged under the growing mass of hair, and there was no way for him to continue swinging the spinach-sock.
I tried to ask him, but my own mouth was now full of hair as well.
I coughed, and tried to breath, but hair was forcing itself into my mouth and down my throat.
I could feel the cart groaning under the weight of the hair, and wondered how long it would be until it collapsed.
On reflection, that groaning might have been me.
How long until I collapsed?

Everything was getting dark, either from the sun setting earlier than expected, or the mass of hair blotting out all light, or possibly from my gradually approaching lack of consciousness.
My life flashed before my eyes, but I couldn't see it through all the hair.
Faintly in the distance I could hear a hacking sound, like a barbarian attempting to rescue his companions from excessive hair by way of the sword, but it all seemed too distant, too late to make any difference to my fate.

I guess you could say I was in a hairy situation.

Oh, I crack myself up sometimes.

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