Renovation
A moment later a new Evans appeared, dressed in a painter's overalls, complete with realistic-looking paint splatter.
"Hello there final five!" The reno-Evans said. "As you are no doubt already thinking, the next challenge involves the five of you turning your hands to a spot of home renovation. Over at the other end of the Heptagon of Battle, we have brought in one of the most dank, dark, disgusting lairs known to humankind: the house of your former competitor, Desmond the Disgusting! Don't worry, he's not currently using it, as he is still out on his post-show endorsement tour. Desmond Kills the Competition with Larry's Hi-Powered Stanky Deodorant! Guaranteed to make you smell worse or your money back!"
The competitors processed this news with blank looks (though for the Goblin this meant nothing, as he always displayed what appeared to the others to be a blank look. Goblin facial variations are in fact incredibly diverse and complex and amongst Goblinkind, can account for a statement of up to 12 words. This in itself does not break Goblin etiquette and is in fact considered vary good manners. Regarding the renovation project, the Goblin was actually quite excited.)
"You will have 48 hours, and all the resources you need, to each renovate a different room in Desmond's house. The room that gets scored the lowest by our expert judges will result in instant elimination for that competitor." The Evans said.
"Taylor, you're doing the kitchen.
Trixie, you've got the bathroom and toilet.
Pam, you get the living room."
"Hooray! I love living!" Pam cried enthusiastically.
"Nobody in particular, you get the master bedroom,
and Goblin, you'll be renovating the hallways, the office, the linen cupboard, the front door, the laundry, and the small area where the cat eats his dinner."
"Easy peasy." The Goblin replied.
"Right! Let's get you over there!" The Evans cried, and snapped his fingers. A moment later, the five were teleported across to the other side of the arena.
The sight they saw before them was nothing short of a bombsite. Well, it was a bombsite. But on the bombsite they had placed Desmond's house, although you had to squint to notice the difference. A foul smell wafted out the open - no, wait, missing - window, the clapboard cladding had mold growing on it, the roof was caked in dust, and had several large rusted holes in it, and the welcome mat was a foot high due to the fact that there were weeds growing out of it. And that was just the exterior!
"Your time starts... now!" The Evans cried, and the final five advanced tentatively toward the house.
Trixie entered the bathroom and toilet with a rag wrapped firmly around her face. The rooms stank! The toilet was unflushed (and filled with... stuff from the poopy place), there was hair in the bath plughole, spit on the mirror, mold on the walls, and worst of all, the lino was in a disgusting shade of peach, which just ruined the room's look. She ran back outside and grabbed a long length of garden hose, attaching one end to a tap before dragging the hose into the bathroom. Trixie turned open the tap until it was at its highest pressure, then cranked open the head slightly and blasted Desmond's bathroom and toilet cleaner than it had ever been.
Five minutes later, she was ready to start work!
As she began ripping up the lino, Trixie heard a loud cough at the door. (Loud coughs are in fact quite shy, so Trixie felt honoured that it had chosen to come and visit her.) Turning around, she saw the Goblin standing in the doorway.
"Your weapon." He said, holding up a long staff with a foot-long curved blade at one end.
"What on earth is that?" Trixie asked in bewilderment.
"A woldo." The Goblin replied matter-of-factly.
"Thanks, but... your renovation?" Trixie asked.
"Already finished." The Goblin answered.
"Why am I not surprised..." Trixie muttered to herself as she accepted the weapon from the Goblin.
"Pure talent!" The Goblin answered enthusiastically.
"Thanks, Goblin. You're a real life saver. And I promise not to use this on you." Trixie said.
Once she had finished picking the Goblin's nose (she set the mucus aside, as it would make a great glue for the wall tiles she was hoping to lay!) Trixie set the woldo down against the wall and carried on renovating. Nobody in particular could wait, she decided. She had to get through this round of the competition first!
As minutes became hours and day became night, four of the final five worked tirelessly at their projects. The Goblin took the time to take a nap in the sun and update his Twitter account.
Trixie focused hard on laying tiles, replacing lino, and installing a tasteful toilet-roll holder.
Taylor used his junior high carpentry skills to rebuild a set of kitchen cabinets that weren't filled with mold, borer, and half finished tins of corned beef. (Nasty!)
Pam painted Desmond's living room bright pink and reupholstered the lounge suite (well, it wasn't a suite so much as a couch that Desmond lay on to watch TV) in optimistic yellow.
And nobody in particular wallpapered a tasteful feature wall in the master bedroom, built and installed an en-suite, laid some high quality woolen carpet, and replaced Desmond's bed with a super king-size pocket sprung beast. (Not literally a beast of course, I mean it was a bed that Desmond got, but if beds were animals then this one would have been a BOEAST if you know what I mean. If you don't, go away.)
As the 48 hour time limit approached, the judges arrived for a look around.
Chapter Seventeen : : Chapter Nineteen
"Hello there final five!" The reno-Evans said. "As you are no doubt already thinking, the next challenge involves the five of you turning your hands to a spot of home renovation. Over at the other end of the Heptagon of Battle, we have brought in one of the most dank, dark, disgusting lairs known to humankind: the house of your former competitor, Desmond the Disgusting! Don't worry, he's not currently using it, as he is still out on his post-show endorsement tour. Desmond Kills the Competition with Larry's Hi-Powered Stanky Deodorant! Guaranteed to make you smell worse or your money back!"
The competitors processed this news with blank looks (though for the Goblin this meant nothing, as he always displayed what appeared to the others to be a blank look. Goblin facial variations are in fact incredibly diverse and complex and amongst Goblinkind, can account for a statement of up to 12 words. This in itself does not break Goblin etiquette and is in fact considered vary good manners. Regarding the renovation project, the Goblin was actually quite excited.)
"You will have 48 hours, and all the resources you need, to each renovate a different room in Desmond's house. The room that gets scored the lowest by our expert judges will result in instant elimination for that competitor." The Evans said.
"Taylor, you're doing the kitchen.
Trixie, you've got the bathroom and toilet.
Pam, you get the living room."
"Hooray! I love living!" Pam cried enthusiastically.
"Nobody in particular, you get the master bedroom,
and Goblin, you'll be renovating the hallways, the office, the linen cupboard, the front door, the laundry, and the small area where the cat eats his dinner."
"Easy peasy." The Goblin replied.
"Right! Let's get you over there!" The Evans cried, and snapped his fingers. A moment later, the five were teleported across to the other side of the arena.
The sight they saw before them was nothing short of a bombsite. Well, it was a bombsite. But on the bombsite they had placed Desmond's house, although you had to squint to notice the difference. A foul smell wafted out the open - no, wait, missing - window, the clapboard cladding had mold growing on it, the roof was caked in dust, and had several large rusted holes in it, and the welcome mat was a foot high due to the fact that there were weeds growing out of it. And that was just the exterior!
"Your time starts... now!" The Evans cried, and the final five advanced tentatively toward the house.
Trixie entered the bathroom and toilet with a rag wrapped firmly around her face. The rooms stank! The toilet was unflushed (and filled with... stuff from the poopy place), there was hair in the bath plughole, spit on the mirror, mold on the walls, and worst of all, the lino was in a disgusting shade of peach, which just ruined the room's look. She ran back outside and grabbed a long length of garden hose, attaching one end to a tap before dragging the hose into the bathroom. Trixie turned open the tap until it was at its highest pressure, then cranked open the head slightly and blasted Desmond's bathroom and toilet cleaner than it had ever been.
Five minutes later, she was ready to start work!
As she began ripping up the lino, Trixie heard a loud cough at the door. (Loud coughs are in fact quite shy, so Trixie felt honoured that it had chosen to come and visit her.) Turning around, she saw the Goblin standing in the doorway.
"Your weapon." He said, holding up a long staff with a foot-long curved blade at one end.
"What on earth is that?" Trixie asked in bewilderment.
"A woldo." The Goblin replied matter-of-factly.
"Thanks, but... your renovation?" Trixie asked.
"Already finished." The Goblin answered.
"Why am I not surprised..." Trixie muttered to herself as she accepted the weapon from the Goblin.
"Pure talent!" The Goblin answered enthusiastically.
"Thanks, Goblin. You're a real life saver. And I promise not to use this on you." Trixie said.
Once she had finished picking the Goblin's nose (she set the mucus aside, as it would make a great glue for the wall tiles she was hoping to lay!) Trixie set the woldo down against the wall and carried on renovating. Nobody in particular could wait, she decided. She had to get through this round of the competition first!
As minutes became hours and day became night, four of the final five worked tirelessly at their projects. The Goblin took the time to take a nap in the sun and update his Twitter account.
Trixie focused hard on laying tiles, replacing lino, and installing a tasteful toilet-roll holder.
Taylor used his junior high carpentry skills to rebuild a set of kitchen cabinets that weren't filled with mold, borer, and half finished tins of corned beef. (Nasty!)
Pam painted Desmond's living room bright pink and reupholstered the lounge suite (well, it wasn't a suite so much as a couch that Desmond lay on to watch TV) in optimistic yellow.
And nobody in particular wallpapered a tasteful feature wall in the master bedroom, built and installed an en-suite, laid some high quality woolen carpet, and replaced Desmond's bed with a super king-size pocket sprung beast. (Not literally a beast of course, I mean it was a bed that Desmond got, but if beds were animals then this one would have been a BOEAST if you know what I mean. If you don't, go away.)
As the 48 hour time limit approached, the judges arrived for a look around.
Chapter Seventeen : : Chapter Nineteen
posted by Musings | 10:58 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home