Omric the Oarsome's Oarsome Potion Make
It turned out they were right where I had left them: the third shelf down and two from the right.
What, you think after three years I hadn't built up a decent supply of ingredients?
Ha! What kind of wizard do you take me for?
Anyway, one by one, carefully, and without show-boating in any way, I transferred the ingredients from the shelf to the workbench, lining them up in alphabetical order beside the large black cauldron that seemed to always be required for potion-making. Well, I mean, you can make potions without a large black cauldron, but really, whats the point? Might as well go down to Pak n' Save to buy your meat patties, rather than spend five days, using a dragons tooth and two pints of blood, to create them from scratch by magic. Pish to that!
They were a wide ranging list of ingredients, from Eye of Troll to Ear of Fish, by way of Hair of Spock and with a brief stop-over at Lint of Jacket Lining. Everything I had gathered, scrounged, begged, borrowed, stolen, or gotten online during my three years of self-taught Magicocity, always with an eye to finishing the book, always secretly preparing for the day when I could finish this last spell, and call myself a proper wizard. I mean, I already did call myself a proper wizard, and, well, really, I guess I was a proper wizard, I even had the big pointy hat with white stars on blue velvet, although I didn't like to wear it too much, just on special occasions and occasionally just to admire myself in the mirror when no-one was around, which was pretty much all the time, because no-one ever came around, and, yes, I was wearing it even now, but can we just drop it okay, because its not about show boating, I didn't do that anymore, its about looking the part for this final spell. The spell that would finally complete my training.
I took a deep breath as I placed the last ingredient down, and doused myself in kerosene, ready to press Play on my Lady Gaga album (I had picked Pokerface as the song to play, because the lyrics really speak to me), and climb into my flame-proof harness from which I would dangle as I lit myself with a match and begin incanting. But first, one last check. I scanned the ingredients carefully, trying to discern if I had enough of everything, particularly Sweat of Accountant, which I had just used the other day to make 'Shows All the Boats' for the fifth ti.. I mean, to make 'Stays All the Humble' for the billionth time. Suddenly, I noticed something bubbling strangely. I was surprised I hadn't noticed it bubbling before, especially since these bubbles were bright green, foaming all over the bench, and making sounds like a car backfiring every time one popped. Curiously, I poked one with my finger.
The resulting explosion obliterated 90% of the ingredients, the hut, my Gaga CD, and everything for a five mile radius, leaving me grateful I had put on my explosion-proof under-tunic before commensing. And even more grateful that Myron's precious book was also explosion-proof (you can never be too careful when writing a book of potions). And slightly less grateful that now the quest to replenish my ingredient list would have to go ahead after all.
And thats when I noticed my wizard hat was on fire.
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What, you think after three years I hadn't built up a decent supply of ingredients?
Ha! What kind of wizard do you take me for?
Anyway, one by one, carefully, and without show-boating in any way, I transferred the ingredients from the shelf to the workbench, lining them up in alphabetical order beside the large black cauldron that seemed to always be required for potion-making. Well, I mean, you can make potions without a large black cauldron, but really, whats the point? Might as well go down to Pak n' Save to buy your meat patties, rather than spend five days, using a dragons tooth and two pints of blood, to create them from scratch by magic. Pish to that!
They were a wide ranging list of ingredients, from Eye of Troll to Ear of Fish, by way of Hair of Spock and with a brief stop-over at Lint of Jacket Lining. Everything I had gathered, scrounged, begged, borrowed, stolen, or gotten online during my three years of self-taught Magicocity, always with an eye to finishing the book, always secretly preparing for the day when I could finish this last spell, and call myself a proper wizard. I mean, I already did call myself a proper wizard, and, well, really, I guess I was a proper wizard, I even had the big pointy hat with white stars on blue velvet, although I didn't like to wear it too much, just on special occasions and occasionally just to admire myself in the mirror when no-one was around, which was pretty much all the time, because no-one ever came around, and, yes, I was wearing it even now, but can we just drop it okay, because its not about show boating, I didn't do that anymore, its about looking the part for this final spell. The spell that would finally complete my training.
I took a deep breath as I placed the last ingredient down, and doused myself in kerosene, ready to press Play on my Lady Gaga album (I had picked Pokerface as the song to play, because the lyrics really speak to me), and climb into my flame-proof harness from which I would dangle as I lit myself with a match and begin incanting. But first, one last check. I scanned the ingredients carefully, trying to discern if I had enough of everything, particularly Sweat of Accountant, which I had just used the other day to make 'Shows All the Boats' for the fifth ti.. I mean, to make 'Stays All the Humble' for the billionth time. Suddenly, I noticed something bubbling strangely. I was surprised I hadn't noticed it bubbling before, especially since these bubbles were bright green, foaming all over the bench, and making sounds like a car backfiring every time one popped. Curiously, I poked one with my finger.
The resulting explosion obliterated 90% of the ingredients, the hut, my Gaga CD, and everything for a five mile radius, leaving me grateful I had put on my explosion-proof under-tunic before commensing. And even more grateful that Myron's precious book was also explosion-proof (you can never be too careful when writing a book of potions). And slightly less grateful that now the quest to replenish my ingredient list would have to go ahead after all.
And thats when I noticed my wizard hat was on fire.
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posted by Lark Victory | 3:15 PM
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