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The World-Famous (to some people) online-novels of Lark and Musings, for you to sit back and enjoy in the quietness of your own home. Warning, all novels may contain traces of nuts, and insanity in large doses. (Reading hint: For more enjoyment and less wanting-to-die-from-how-stupid-it-all-is, L&M Blognovels are suggested read in smaller doses, rather than in one sitting).

Sunday, November 06, 2011

The Slide of Happy Fun Times

Once he had reached the bottom of the mountain, Krulnor paused for a quick breather.

(huuuu)

(haaaa)

(That was Krulnor breathing in and out.)

Then he strode forward confidently, as medieval heroes are prone to do when the road ahead of them is wide and well paved and lined on both sides with signs that read "Stride Forward Confidently!" which was indeed the case for Krulnor at this present time. Albert flew forward timidly for he could see what was up ahead and he was glad that, as a flying animal, he didn't have to face the danger and peril that he could see Krulnor was about to encounter, and he would have helped Krulnor except he didn't speak his language, though he had attempted to learn it at one stage in the past but had struggled with the verb layout, and also found it difficult learning to talk like a human without having lips and a long tongue.
"Run ahead boldly!" Read the next sign, and like a cautious and cunning hero who is always suspicious of bold signs which tell you what to do, Krulnor began to run boldly onward.
At this point, the road was starting to incline downwards slightly, forming a slight hill, though it wasn'[t really steep enough to be a hill yet but was more of a 'depression' if you like, a 'slope' perhaps.
Krulnor continued to run and obey the signs like the obedient idiot he was.

"Sprint on bravely!"
And thus he did.
"Jog on jovially!"
Krulnor continued to run, failing to notice the slope had indeed become a hill. Conveniently the next sign read; "Stop and ride down the hill in one of these handy trolleys which have no brakes or steering!" Obedient to a fault, Krunlor stopped, leapt into a handy trolley that was parked right beneath the sign and, pushing off, began to roll down the hill in the trolley.

The hill became a little steeper. The trolley went a little faster. The next sign confusingly read "Hang on tight, loser!" Which Krulnor assumed wasn't for him, because he wasn't a loser, having previously won several battles against incredibly dangerous medieval monsters such as the Beige Daihatsu Sirion of Doom.

The hill became even steeper. Krulnor broke the medieval land speed record (43mph woot!). The next sign, which Krulnor didn't read because he was going so fast his eyes had begun to water, read "Die! Die! Die!" Strange, the signs had been so nice at the start.

Krulnor hurtled down the hill. His eyes were so watery he had ducked down and as such he did not notice the huge chasm that lay only a few hundred metres down the road from him; a chasm filled with horrible, dangerous things like snakes, razor blades, poison, men with beards (again!), and cars with low safety ratings (aahh!). If the fall didn't kill him, those things certainly would.

Krulnor's cart sped toward the chasm, our hero unaware of his pending doom. Only metres from the drop, however, Krulnor felt a strange force gripping his loin cloth, and suddenly he was hoisted into the sky by none other than ALBERT!!!! Who, flapping his wings with vigour, lifted Krulnor out of the trolley just in time and flew him past the chasm, safely depositing him on the other side.

Krulnor stood up and looked at Albert. "Thanks bird!"
Albert responded in birdish, which Krulnor had never learnt because it had a difficult verb layout and he was a moron. "Cluck squark squark!" Thankfully, here at blognovel enterprises we have a paid birdish translator on staff at all times, and they were able to translate this sentence for us. It reads as follows:

"Krulnor you idiot! The Slide of Happy Fun Times is a sarcastic title! You could have died back there! Douchebag!"


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