:>[l]
Krulnor and a Messenger Who Was Also An Ex Iron Man Winner proceeded to march inland. The pelican proceeded to fly inland, directly above our heroic pair, dropping occasional pelican-poops on Krulnor's head, in that sort of "I'm attached to you so I'm going to annoy you" kind of way, reminiscent of that first crush you had at primary school that you threw rocks at.
Seconds, minutes, hours passed as the trio travelled inland. After what seemed like an age to Krulnor, a Fit Yet Frustrated Messenger called a break.
"Krulnor,"
"What?" Our hero replied, wiping 1.2L of pelican poop from his hair, leaving behind an impressive shine, strong roots and a refreshing frangrance, all for only $12.99 this week at Ancient World.
"We've only travelled 50 metres. Stop running back to the ocean to check out your appearance every 15 seconds, you look fine, and maybe we'll actually make some progress towards the Gorge of Insanity before the sun goes down."
"What do you know, Messenger Whose Name Keeps Changing Thus Confusing Poor Krulnor? It's not like you have an image to maintain or a squad of swooning medieval babes to impress with every adventure you go on, is it? Heroes like me have to look good at all times, just in case there's a carver around waiting to snap a quick shot of me saving the world!"
"Well, you're right about one think Krulnor. I don't have a squad of idiotic fans swooning at my every statement. I have a wife and kids back home actually, waiting faithfully for my return. So if you don't mind, let's get going, because I miss them!"
"Ooh, you have kids? Have you got a carving?"
"I do, actually."
"Go on, let me see!"
The narrative thus paused for a short period as A Proud Messenger brought out his pocket-carvings of his wife and kids to show Krunlor, who heroically clucked and awwed.
"Now back to our trek Krunlor. You look fine, so no more ocean trips. We need to head inland."
"Allright then." Krulnor grumbled, and the trio set off (pelican still faithfully hovering ahead, dropping down more unwanted hair product) at a much faster rate, and they reached the Gorge of Insanity a mere half an hour later, not that any of them knew what the time was because their pocket sundials were in their other togas, which were now at the bottom of the ocean along with the Chinese Junk.
"Whoah!" Krulnor cried, about to state the obvious; "This Gorge is Insane!" Indeed the Gorge of Insanity was insane, living up to its name in a most insane fashion; full of men with beards, people who enjoy the music of Nickleback, hybrid llama-cats, second-time suicide bombers, Volvos, and the French, the Gorge of Insanity was truly a hive of all things insane.
"Yes, but we can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go round it; we'll just go through it!" A Childrens' Song Singing Messenger chirruped. Though his statement wasn't entirely correct, for of course Albert the pelican (for that was the pelican's name) simply flew over the Gorge and settled on the other side, waiting for the twosome to venture through.
Off the pair went (I mean, they didn't go off in the sense that they began to rot and smell bad and get mouldy, more that they walked forward, if you get the phrase), deep into the Gorge of Insanity. The journey was so Insane that it was almost impossible to describe, but here are a few sound bites for your reading pleasure:
"Don't touch his beard Krunlor, he'll think you like it and then we'll be done for!"
"Plug your ears Messenger, it's Chad Kroeger and the boys in stereo!"
"Look out for that spitting, cute, cuddly, load-carrying monstrosity Krulnor!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! A Volvo!"
And they reached the other side.
"Phew, that was intense!" Krulnor sighed.
"Yes it was!" A Tired Messenger agreed. "I'm glad I survived that, it was the hope of reuniting with my family that got me through!"
And all of a sudden,
BOOM!
A suicide bomber determined not to fail a second time had self-detonated right next to A Now Obliterated Messenger.
Oh, that was sad! It's always the guy that shows the picture of his family that dies in the story!
Previous Chapter :: Next Chapter
Seconds, minutes, hours passed as the trio travelled inland. After what seemed like an age to Krulnor, a Fit Yet Frustrated Messenger called a break.
"Krulnor,"
"What?" Our hero replied, wiping 1.2L of pelican poop from his hair, leaving behind an impressive shine, strong roots and a refreshing frangrance, all for only $12.99 this week at Ancient World.
"We've only travelled 50 metres. Stop running back to the ocean to check out your appearance every 15 seconds, you look fine, and maybe we'll actually make some progress towards the Gorge of Insanity before the sun goes down."
"What do you know, Messenger Whose Name Keeps Changing Thus Confusing Poor Krulnor? It's not like you have an image to maintain or a squad of swooning medieval babes to impress with every adventure you go on, is it? Heroes like me have to look good at all times, just in case there's a carver around waiting to snap a quick shot of me saving the world!"
"Well, you're right about one think Krulnor. I don't have a squad of idiotic fans swooning at my every statement. I have a wife and kids back home actually, waiting faithfully for my return. So if you don't mind, let's get going, because I miss them!"
"Ooh, you have kids? Have you got a carving?"
"I do, actually."
"Go on, let me see!"
The narrative thus paused for a short period as A Proud Messenger brought out his pocket-carvings of his wife and kids to show Krunlor, who heroically clucked and awwed.
"Now back to our trek Krunlor. You look fine, so no more ocean trips. We need to head inland."
"Allright then." Krulnor grumbled, and the trio set off (pelican still faithfully hovering ahead, dropping down more unwanted hair product) at a much faster rate, and they reached the Gorge of Insanity a mere half an hour later, not that any of them knew what the time was because their pocket sundials were in their other togas, which were now at the bottom of the ocean along with the Chinese Junk.
"Whoah!" Krulnor cried, about to state the obvious; "This Gorge is Insane!" Indeed the Gorge of Insanity was insane, living up to its name in a most insane fashion; full of men with beards, people who enjoy the music of Nickleback, hybrid llama-cats, second-time suicide bombers, Volvos, and the French, the Gorge of Insanity was truly a hive of all things insane.
"Yes, but we can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go round it; we'll just go through it!" A Childrens' Song Singing Messenger chirruped. Though his statement wasn't entirely correct, for of course Albert the pelican (for that was the pelican's name) simply flew over the Gorge and settled on the other side, waiting for the twosome to venture through.
Off the pair went (I mean, they didn't go off in the sense that they began to rot and smell bad and get mouldy, more that they walked forward, if you get the phrase), deep into the Gorge of Insanity. The journey was so Insane that it was almost impossible to describe, but here are a few sound bites for your reading pleasure:
"Don't touch his beard Krunlor, he'll think you like it and then we'll be done for!"
"Plug your ears Messenger, it's Chad Kroeger and the boys in stereo!"
"Look out for that spitting, cute, cuddly, load-carrying monstrosity Krulnor!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! A Volvo!"
And they reached the other side.
"Phew, that was intense!" Krulnor sighed.
"Yes it was!" A Tired Messenger agreed. "I'm glad I survived that, it was the hope of reuniting with my family that got me through!"
And all of a sudden,
BOOM!
A suicide bomber determined not to fail a second time had self-detonated right next to A Now Obliterated Messenger.
Oh, that was sad! It's always the guy that shows the picture of his family that dies in the story!
Previous Chapter :: Next Chapter
posted by Musings | 1:01 AM
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