Of Cabbages and Kings
And thus Krulnor and A Scrawny Messenger (affectionately titled by his parents ASM) walked across the desolate landscape amongst which Krulnor had chosen to make his home (this landscape affectionately titled some 1000 years later "Australia" by a people Krulnor detested), heading towards Krulnor's destiny and the adventure contained therein, for both were quite a distance away from Krulnor's place, that being part of the reason the aforementioned messenger was at this point in the narrative Scrawny, for indeed he had began his journey to Krulnor's lands as A Relatively Plump Messenger some weeks beforehand but the food ration had run out on the journey and anyway it was good for his health, losing the aforementioned weight, as Jenny Craig hadn't been invented yet.
"Haha!" Laughed Krulnor, at about the third day of the trek, a chesty laugh full of the bountiful hope of potential adventure and promise, optimistic about the possibilities, unafraid of the danger, and enticed by the potential lasses he would meet, for as everyone knew then and still knows today, Australian girls just aren't that good looking and the pickings were somewhat slim in Krulnor's lands.
"Ah... yes! Haha!" Laughed ASM in reply, a nervous and timid laugh full of the awareness that Krulnor had not shared anything from his food bag, and that any moment he might faint from sheer exhaustion and malnutrition, pessimistic about surviving the trek, annoyed at Krulnor's greed, and secretly hoping Krulnor would die facing the dangerous adventure he had before him because then ASM could enjoy the rest of Krulnor's food sack, which was indeed bulging like Adam's apple, or was it bulging like an Adam's apple, it's hard to be sure, and when I say ASM could enjoy the rest of Krulnor's food sack what I really mean is the contents of the sack rather than the sack itself cos as everyone in those good old ancient days knew, you can't have sack without tumeric and there just wasn't any around in the wastelands of pre-Australia in those days.
Several days later Krulnor and A Malnourished African Child - like Messenger reached the port where AMACLM's small boat was berthed. AMACLM still hadn't been able to partake of any of the contents of Krulnor's sack (which still to his eyes looked awfully full), but instead had survived by eating both his leather shoes, his cotton toga and his lacy undies; the last of these being particularly hard to swallow cos as everyone in those good old ancient days knew, you can't have lacy undies without coriander, and there just wasn't any around in the wastelands of pre-Australia in those days. A Naked and Malnourished African Child - like Messenger readied the small boat, set the single sail, and the pair set off, heading in the general direction of the land where the adventure lay, somewhere East of their present location. Krulnor lay back and dreamed of slaying a seven-headed monster cat, or a nine-headed extreme bloodsucking bat, or a seventeen headed very nasty guinea pig like the one he slew once in the wilds of pre-Scotland with his seventeen-bladed sword that folded away easily under the bed and was purchasable for only 8 easy payments of 64 gold pieces and a virgin's toenails. A Bitter, Naked and Malnourished African Child - like Messenger did all the sailing work, muttering to himself not for the first time on his present mission how life was treating him awfully unfairly and how come heroes like Krulnor got to lie back and enjoy the trip and get the glory and the lasses and own seventeen-bladed swords while the ordinary people did all the work and actually took the time to wash and rinse their loin cloths before they put them back on for the next adventure.
And thus the pair sailed off into the distance, one enjoying the journey in the unique peace and tranquilty that only an ocean voyage can bring, the other despising the work and stress and sleepless nights that only sailing a boat by oneself can bring.
Previous Chapter : : Next Chapter
"Haha!" Laughed Krulnor, at about the third day of the trek, a chesty laugh full of the bountiful hope of potential adventure and promise, optimistic about the possibilities, unafraid of the danger, and enticed by the potential lasses he would meet, for as everyone knew then and still knows today, Australian girls just aren't that good looking and the pickings were somewhat slim in Krulnor's lands.
"Ah... yes! Haha!" Laughed ASM in reply, a nervous and timid laugh full of the awareness that Krulnor had not shared anything from his food bag, and that any moment he might faint from sheer exhaustion and malnutrition, pessimistic about surviving the trek, annoyed at Krulnor's greed, and secretly hoping Krulnor would die facing the dangerous adventure he had before him because then ASM could enjoy the rest of Krulnor's food sack, which was indeed bulging like Adam's apple, or was it bulging like an Adam's apple, it's hard to be sure, and when I say ASM could enjoy the rest of Krulnor's food sack what I really mean is the contents of the sack rather than the sack itself cos as everyone in those good old ancient days knew, you can't have sack without tumeric and there just wasn't any around in the wastelands of pre-Australia in those days.
Several days later Krulnor and A Malnourished African Child - like Messenger reached the port where AMACLM's small boat was berthed. AMACLM still hadn't been able to partake of any of the contents of Krulnor's sack (which still to his eyes looked awfully full), but instead had survived by eating both his leather shoes, his cotton toga and his lacy undies; the last of these being particularly hard to swallow cos as everyone in those good old ancient days knew, you can't have lacy undies without coriander, and there just wasn't any around in the wastelands of pre-Australia in those days. A Naked and Malnourished African Child - like Messenger readied the small boat, set the single sail, and the pair set off, heading in the general direction of the land where the adventure lay, somewhere East of their present location. Krulnor lay back and dreamed of slaying a seven-headed monster cat, or a nine-headed extreme bloodsucking bat, or a seventeen headed very nasty guinea pig like the one he slew once in the wilds of pre-Scotland with his seventeen-bladed sword that folded away easily under the bed and was purchasable for only 8 easy payments of 64 gold pieces and a virgin's toenails. A Bitter, Naked and Malnourished African Child - like Messenger did all the sailing work, muttering to himself not for the first time on his present mission how life was treating him awfully unfairly and how come heroes like Krulnor got to lie back and enjoy the trip and get the glory and the lasses and own seventeen-bladed swords while the ordinary people did all the work and actually took the time to wash and rinse their loin cloths before they put them back on for the next adventure.
And thus the pair sailed off into the distance, one enjoying the journey in the unique peace and tranquilty that only an ocean voyage can bring, the other despising the work and stress and sleepless nights that only sailing a boat by oneself can bring.
Previous Chapter : : Next Chapter
posted by Musings | 4:07 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home